Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
