I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
