is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
