WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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