Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
