I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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