did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
