actually, I'm a sock model
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
