The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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