I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
