another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
