coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
