Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
