This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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