Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
