I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
