She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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