he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
