I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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