My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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