thus making me awesome and them whores
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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