He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
