So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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