Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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