just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
