you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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