Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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