i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
