Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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