i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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