considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
