new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
