The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
