you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This is my gift to your gina
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
