I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
