well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
