ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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