If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
