I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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