:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
