So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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