Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's just like the Real World with babies
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
