Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
