I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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