Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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