I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
