Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
