ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
