I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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