you guys were way drunker than both of me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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