you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
