I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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