i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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