I wish my penis had an off switch
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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