the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
