Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
