i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
