so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
