"it" just moved
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
