Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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