I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
